Posts Tagged ‘Support’

Who will speak first?

Monday, February 8th, 2010

There is a post sitting in my WordPress drafts folder waiting to be posted. Courage isn’t something I lack. I have never been afraid to speak my mind. But something holds me back. My irreverence.

I firmly believe that our experiences as women may be vastly different, but that there are ineffable webs that connect us. I believe, and this has been bolstered by experience, that our internal experiences of the world are similar. I have learned that, more often than not, if there is an aspect of my womanhood that I find stressful that I am not alone. It frustrates me to no end that I have been forced to learn this the hard way.

My experience is largely an open book. When I experience something significant or difficult my natural instinct is to discuss it in order to understand it. I work hard to let go of (cultural) shame or guilt I feel, especially when I have done no wrong. As a result subjects that are not ‘polite’ to discuss don’t bother me in the least. In fact the double standards of what it is acceptable for men to discuss in comparison to the many natural and normal subjects it is considered unacceptable for women to discuss outages me.

So my question to you is this;

Are we ready to discuss the aspects of our inner lives that have been shushed until now? Or am I simply irreverent?

The more feedback I get the easier it will be to decide whether to publish the post languishing in my drafts.

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Posted in Femininity, Grace, Life, Womanhood | 3 Comments »

Powerful honesty

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

I have this friend. I have known her a long time. Nearly half my life. She has this thing; she is blatantly honest.

I wonder if you think that is a ‘good’ or a ‘bad’ thing? From experience I think it’s a good thing, if you can take it. The older I get, and the longer we are friends, the more I rely on her honest opinion.

She is prepared to disagree, politely of course, on anything of importance. Openly and tactfully laying her cards on the table when something is awry. More than once I credit this with saving our friendship from crashing into the rocky shore of our opposing political views, divergent lifestyles and different views on life and the world. More than once her honesty has also rescued me from swirling confusion and dominoes of bad decisions.

Although her honesty is a blessing, it is sometimes a difficult pill to swallow. Not because of what she has to say, but because our pride, inadequacies and fears make honesty confronting some times. Herein lies the second layer of blessing; her honesty makes me a better person. A more aware, more compassionate, stronger person.

If only more people were courageous enough to be powerfully honest.

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Posted in Grace, Inspiration, Life, Relationships | No Comments »

Are you supportable? Ten steps to support in 2010.

Tuesday, December 8th, 2009

I am fiercely independent and stubborn to a fault, but I have been supportable in the past. Currently though, I would say I am definitely difficult (near on impossible) to support.

I have willing and prepared family and friends, who would probably never say ‘No’ if I asked for help – so many of us do – but I rarely articulate what exactly they could do to help. When asked how I am doing my default response is ‘I’m fine’ which roughly translates to “I actually need support, but am too stubborn to ask for it”.

How to know if you are unsupportable like me:

  • You lie about how you are doing i.e. “Yeah I’m ok. Everything is fine”
  • You think that t is easier to just ‘stick it out’ than to ask for help
  • You expect the help you get to be absolutely perfect and are disappointed when, lets say, the towels aren’t folded like you would fold them
  • You keep telling yourself all you need is someone to talk to, not actual help
  • You are hesitant to break the routine to try things a different, more supportive, way
  • You keep telling yourself than in a few weeks when (insert dilemma here) is over, everything will be better

One of my goals for 2010 is to feel totally supported. So I will be changing a few things, from priorities to how I run my household and how I manage relationships to achieve that. (Friends and family that read this blog are broadly smiling or cringing in anticipation, depending on who they are as they read this, I am sure.)

Here is my game plan to a more supported life:

  1. Recognise that the world would turn without me. So it is o.k for me to take time out for me – the sky won’t fall in.
  2. Let go of the feelings of failure and guilt that arise when I ask for help. Needing help and time out is NORMAL.
  3. Set up the family schedule so that time for me is already built-in. This will stop me apologising for doing what I need, like have an uninterrupted shower for example.
  4. Take friends up on offers of babysitting etc.
  5. Explain in advance what I need and how I am working to achieve it, so no-one accidentally works against me in attempt to help.
  6. Preempt difficult times and take action to get support before I am desperate, rundown & exhausted.
  7. Proritise yoga, meditation and writing just as high as getting the shopping done, catching up with friends and doing the chores.
  8. Learn not to apologise for number 7 above.
  9. Accept that things like having smooth legs and tidy nails, moisturised skin and getting hair cuts really do make me feel better, because they demonstrate I am worth taking care of, and make time for them regularly.
  10. Cultivate a focused and relaxed mind that deals with what I am working on at the time and lets go of the millions of other things and thoughts that are going on simultaneously.

How are you focusing more on yourself in 2010?

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Posted in Coaching, Grace, Life, Motherhood, Personal Development, Relationships | No Comments »