Catalyst

The fog lifts. The tide turns. The sun breaks through the clouds. The penny drops. The silence breaks. Such is the power of a catalyst.

Girlfriends are the most reliable and treasured of catalysts. ‘Girl Time’ as one friend aptly calls it, is an absolutely necessary ingredient in a successful life.

My girlfriends are my lifeline. I have written about that before. I know I am blessed to have amazing women surrounding me. I hope you are too. But they are more than friends. They catalyse the very best in me. My girlfriends have been showing me the light for over 10 years now. They have helped pull me from the depths of the abyss,  rescued me from loser boyfriends & encouraged me to ditch toxic jobs. They remind me of my compassion, humour and value. They normalise my neurosis and take the stress from my experience.

For the most part friends impart their value without too much effort; their existence alone is enough. Similar to the way that some chemical reactions simply take place in the presence of oxygen. The depth and colour they add to my life cannot be overvalued. Suddenly laughter shatters the tension and soon our cheeks and bellies ache from laughter that makes us snort. A seemingly normal coffee with a gal-pal and I fiind my apathy is replaced with a bounce in my step. Sharing secrets about your inner life with a trusted friend is cathartic, realising they share similar experiences is priceless.

But its not all rainbows and lollipops. In my relationships with girlfriends past and present we have together survived; eating disorders, depression, cheating and being cheated on, pregnancy, abortion, child rearing, robbery, moving interstate, abuse, sexual assault, losing loved ones, heartbreak, car accidents, buying property, divorce, illness and more.

A blog I read posed a question yesterday “what is your greatest accomplishment?” I mulled over it overnight, not sure what it was for me. Motherhood? Surviving personal tragedy? A healthy relationship with my partner? It wasn’t until this afternoon that it dawned on me. The fog lifted; my greatest accomplishment is my family. The family I have created with my partner and with my friends. The family I would stand by in thick or thin, that is my top priority and the defining factor in my life.

*Image credit Gwennypics

Love

In my experience love grows, develops, matures, accepts, embraces & believes. It can blindside you, overwhelm you, surprise you, change you. Love doesn’t judge, blame, hate, attack, defend, suspect, exclude or fear. Love is pure.

We so often mistake our cultural images of a couple ‘in love’ for Love itself. We confuse ourselves believing we can judge and attempt to change the one we love. We expect love and loving behaviour to look a certain way. Some of us even believe old cliches like ‘love is a battlefield’, ‘love is blind’ & love hurts’. Well, it isn’t and it doesn’t.

I don’t know about you but the moments of my life that throb and buzz with real authentic love were certainly not Hollywood glamour image usually recognised as ‘Love’. In my experience love is gritty, uncomfortable, blissful, exhausting, exciting, risky, outrageous, orgasmic and beautiful all at once. I have never managed a moment of real love without tears, sweat or messy hair – but then again maybe I’m doing it wrong.

My moments of real love:

1. Crying in the foetal position, as the realisation dawned on me that only I can take care of me
2. Naked under the sheets and realising that for the first time I had ‘made love’ as opposed to just having sex
3. Getting engaged under a lighthouse, on a cliff, in gale force winds
4. Sweaty and exhausted as I breastfed my baby for the first time (minutes after birth)
5. Unconfortable conversations kicking my partner’s butt for not prioritising his needs
6. Witnessing a girlfriend’s pain, really being there, without dismissing it or trying to cheer her up
7. Handing in my letter of resignation, to follow my heart interstate

Love just is. Love is effortless. Love feels good. Love heals old wounds. Love should never be a currency. Love is not a bargaining chip. Love doesn’t take work. Relationships do.

Relationships take work. Keeping the lines of communication open, being honest  & vulnerable takes work. Creating space in your relationship for love to flow, unimpeded, isn’t easy. But it’s worth it. Love is the easy part. Relationship. the art of sharing love, is a skill.

*Photo credit Agent FareEvader