You may think it’s your job. You may think it’s your family. You may think it’s hanging out with friends. You may think it’s playing sport. You may think it’s creating music. You’re probably wrong.
If you think it is your job that makes you happy, consider the fate of your happiness when you retire, take time off to raise a family or become ill. If you think your family is the sole source of your happiness then what happens when you move interstate, there is a divorce or you become responsible for ailing parents? If you think you are happy because you are sporty and very physical then what happens when you are injured, too busy or on the off-season?
Your happiness is derived from expressing who you are and embodying your values.
Most of us have it backward. We fail to make the important distinction between the task/experience and the meaning we ascribe to it. We believe family makes us happy but really it is the compassion, support, solidarity, love that we experience in familial bonds that make us happy. I have written about this before; we can experience these things with anybody we feel an affinity with, not exclusively our ‘family’.
I am as guilty as anyone in this area. I have, in the not so distant past, proudly worn the label workaholic. (I was never really a workaholic. There is a huge difference between luv luv luving your work and being addicted to working. Holly Hoffman wrote a great post about this recently.) Never the less I was pulling 55-60 hour weeks when I was over 6 months pregnant. I was even consulting on the day my baby was due. I really ‘loved’ my work. So as a new Mum, with no KPIs, to-do lists, praise from superiors and clients I felt totally lost. I was on call 24/7 to the hardest task-master I had ever encountered, but I was still longing for something.
In reality it wasn’t my job that used to make me happy. It was the opportunity to exceed expectations, challenge myself, achieve goals, nurture others & be intellectually stimulated that my job provided that made me happy. Working is not the only way I can fulfill those needs and express those parts of myself. I now achieve them raising my son, volunteering, helping family and friends, reading & blogging.
When we identify specifically what about our family, jobs and hobbies that ‘make us happy’ we wield an amazing power. We can un-tether our happiness from the title on our business card, the state of our family and our social calendars. When we know what really makes us happy the world really becomes our oyster because we can fulfill our values in more ways than we currently imagine. You may be totally fulfilled living on a tropical island teaching the local children english – who knows.
When we understand the mechanics of our happiness we can achieve it in more creative, and often less stressful, ways. For example a young ‘workaholic’ who remains in the office until 8pm because they value contributing, status and achievement could leave the office at 5 and spend the next 3 hours working on a charity close to their heart and be equally as, if not more, fulfilled. A 55 year old man who wants to but refuses to retire for fear of losing his status and losing the stimulation of work could mentor the next generation of workers or volunteer his time.
What I know for sure is that most of us avoid identifying what really makes us happy for one reason: when you identify what makes you happy you also take responsibility for your own happiness. Do you dare know the key to your happiness?
I love her humility. 
