Posts Tagged ‘Feedback’
Friday, April 16th, 2010
This is The Highwire’s 150th post. Woot! I often get very invested in the ‘doing’ (Leo Babauta @ Zen habits would be very proud of me) that I forget to take my own advice and celebrate the little things. In this case – letting it all hang out for the world to see 150 times!!! And perhaps the ways that is has changed me for the better.
In the spirit of living at full throttle, of putting ourselves out there and celebrating ourselves for the simple things we do every day I have a challenge for you. Yup! You heard me right. I challenge you my wonderful, articulate, strong and liberated readers (see I too can employ the subtle art of buttering you up) to take the ask a friend survey. (After the jump)
Have in introduced you to Danielle LaPorte yet? No? Go. Find. Her. Like, seriously, I have read a million self-help & spirituality books, done the courses, (even taught them), been to the circles, led the circles, done the practice and after a while it all begins to sound the same. Until I stumbled upon the White Hot Truth. Her questions (like those she posed in this challenge) pierce through to the heart of the matter.
But I digress. On to the challenge! I challenge you to copy the bullet points below into an email and do what I am about to do – send it to my very best girlfriends. I guarantee those girlfriends are staring daggers at the screen at this moment because, despite being amazing, super intimidatingly intelligent and accomplished, they both hate confrontation and are diplomatic almost to a fault. Pick your best girlfriends because they are people whose opinions you respect and because they make you feel like you can drop the masks and [be loved for being] you. You want feedback – not a roasting.
- What do you think is my greatest strength?
- How would you describe my style?
- What do you think I should let go of?
- When do you feel that I am at my best?
- What do you wish I were less of, for my sake?
- When have you seen me looking my most fabulous?
- What do you think I could give myself more credit for or celebrate more?
The thing about putting your self, your words, your perspective out into the world is that you can’t take it back. Creating anything is a process of breathing life an idea and then releasing it to a journey all of its own. A little piece of you running around outside your body. We often are scared of getting feedback on our creations; our projects, our lives. Ironically, feedback is invariably far less caustic than we imagine. Case in point the post I was most afraid to publish got nothing but personal emails of thanks. People who live balls-out (tits-out?) embrace feedback.
The aim of this challenge is to see yourself as others see you. To balance the inner critic with healthy feedback. To take a moment to celebrate the pretty-fucking-awesome parts of you, that you probably overlook on any given day.
Happy 150th post to me and a pat on the back to us all for having the balls to ask for, and hear, the truth.
I’d love to hear how the survey went for you in the comments – I might just post the responses I get, depending on what they are 
*Image credit
Tags: Feedback, Friendship, Personal Growth, Self Awareness
Posted in Blogging, Inspiration, Life, Personal Development | 4 Comments »
Monday, February 8th, 2010
There is a post sitting in my WordPress drafts folder waiting to be posted. Courage isn’t something I lack. I have never been afraid to speak my mind. But something holds me back. My irreverence.
I firmly believe that our experiences as women may be vastly different, but that there are ineffable webs that connect us. I believe, and this has been bolstered by experience, that our internal experiences of the world are similar. I have learned that, more often than not, if there is an aspect of my womanhood that I find stressful that I am not alone. It frustrates me to no end that I have been forced to learn this the hard way.
My experience is largely an open book. When I experience something significant or difficult my natural instinct is to discuss it in order to understand it. I work hard to let go of (cultural) shame or guilt I feel, especially when I have done no wrong. As a result subjects that are not ‘polite’ to discuss don’t bother me in the least. In fact the double standards of what it is acceptable for men to discuss in comparison to the many natural and normal subjects it is considered unacceptable for women to discuss outages me.
So my question to you is this;
Are we ready to discuss the aspects of our inner lives that have been shushed until now? Or am I simply irreverent?
The more feedback I get the easier it will be to decide whether to publish the post languishing in my drafts.
Tags: Connection, Decisions, Feedback, Inspiration, Judgement, Observations, Personal Growth, Support, Trust
Posted in Femininity, Grace, Life, Womanhood | 3 Comments »
Thursday, January 21st, 2010
I have this friend. I have known her a long time. Nearly half my life. She has this thing; she is blatantly honest.
I wonder if you think that is a ‘good’ or a ‘bad’ thing? From experience I think it’s a good thing, if you can take it. The older I get, and the longer we are friends, the more I rely on her honest opinion.
She is prepared to disagree, politely of course, on anything of importance. Openly and tactfully laying her cards on the table when something is awry. More than once I credit this with saving our friendship from crashing into the rocky shore of our opposing political views, divergent lifestyles and different views on life and the world. More than once her honesty has also rescued me from swirling confusion and dominoes of bad decisions.
Although her honesty is a blessing, it is sometimes a difficult pill to swallow. Not because of what she has to say, but because our pride, inadequacies and fears make honesty confronting some times. Herein lies the second layer of blessing; her honesty makes me a better person. A more aware, more compassionate, stronger person.
If only more people were courageous enough to be powerfully honest.
Tags: Feedback, Friendship, Personal Growth, Self Awareness, Support
Posted in Grace, Inspiration, Life, Relationships | No Comments »
Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
One of the feelings that I hate is failure. I don’t think I am alone here. Nobody wants to feel as though they failed. My distaste for the feeling has another level to it though. My every failure is somehow turbo-charged. I feel like a failure for feeling the emotion failure.
You see I should know better. I know that there is no such thing as failure.
So not only do I feel crap for not succeeding, I feel even worse for feeling that way. Because, drum roll please, failure doesn’t exist, everything is simply feedback. Feedback to show you how prepared (or not) you were, how skilled (or not) you are, how on track (or not) you are, how well (or not so well) you handled the situation. Failure is asking you to honestly re-evaluate the situation, to debrief and to consciously learn the lesson.
Call me lazy, but sometimes I just don’t have the fortitude to do it. It is so hard to look the feeling of failure in the face and consider it logically. It is harder still to identify my misconceptions, re-arrange the plan that got me here and decide on a new course. But you know what? When I have the courage, and can dredge up enough emotional energy to do it, things get better – FAST. The added bonus is that lessons learned via an uncomfortable feeling, like say failure, tend to stick with us so we make the mistake fewer times before really getting it.
I have had a roll of ‘epic failures’ the past 6 months, possibly more than ever before. I have been getting feedback left right and centre telling me I was off course, I was ignoring my intuition and that I had my priorities way out of whack. But I hadn’t stopped to debrief until this weekend. I was too busy, too run down, too unsupported too [insert excuse here] to look at what was going on, and so I kept ‘failing’.
The lesson I have been afraid of facing is that I am not paying enough attention to my intuition. I have been feeling dread and doing it anyway, I have put others needs before mine and my babies, I have taken what others say as gospel and ignored my own feelings, I have supported my partner without question. Each time the feedback was clear; dreaded feelings and crappy results flashing like the proverbial neon sign telling me to listen to my inner voice.
Lesson: Listen closely to your so-called failures. Heed what they are telling you. There is nothing worse than waking up and realising that you have lived a shitty groundhog day every day for 6 months.
Tags: Coaching, Emotions, Failure, Feedback, Lessons, Self Awareness, Stress
Posted in Coaching, Grace, Life, Personal Development | No Comments »
Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
Ask the question. Know the goal posts. It’s not just wise in business it’s essential for harmonious personal relationships to set boundaries, guidelines, to be clear on what is expected.
How do you know your relationship is healthy? How do you know your friend is living up to their role? How do you know you are delivering at work? How do you know what you can expect from family? Where does the obligation start and stop? How far are you ‘supposed’ to go? According to whom? Who drew these arbitrary lines?
Know what you need. Ask for what you want. Be clear on your deal breakers and enforce your boundaries. If you don’t know what the goal posts are, you will always be disappointed.
Tags: Decisions, Emotions, Failure, Family, Feedback, Friendship, Lessons, Personal Growth, Self Awareness, Stress
Posted in Coaching, Grace, Life, Personal Development, Relationships | No Comments »
Tuesday, September 1st, 2009
So today is September 1; officially Spring. The time if renewal, anticipation of the fun, heat and festivities of Summer and the beginning of the end of the current year. There is nothing better than starting Spring afresh, (that goes for Autumn too, if you reside in the Northern Hemisphere) using this transitory season to get things sorted, ordered, cleaned, organised and lined up in a row.
I’m not talking just about cleaning the junk out of old cupboards, but spring cleaning your loose ends, relationships, projects and goals. For me, knowing that I am on track and that I wont end up on New Years Eve making the resolution to sort out this years messes is liberating and leaves me feeling positive. Leaving it to the start of Summer and I always feel like I am playing catch up.
So without further ado, my internal Spring Clean.
- Tick the completed items off your someday list*
- Add any new items to your someday list*
- Delete anything that has been sitting on your ‘to-do’ list for longer than a month – its not that important. Or move it to your someday list* f it is.
- Scroll through the contacts on your mobile/email/Facebook. Message anyone you have been meaning to catch up with.
- Delete any old contacts on your mobile/email/Facebook that you no longer need.
- Review your 2009 goals. Amend them if they aren’t relevant. Action plan them if they are.
- Think of your close friends. Are there any rifts, favours, borrowed items etc that can be repaired or returned? If so, do it.
- If you haven’t spoken to you Mum/Grandmother for longer than a month, call them already!
Now to the hard part. For this you need to be honest with yourself.
- Think of all the things that make you genuinely sad. Make a list. For each of the items decide if there is something you can do to make the situation any better, if so do it. If there is nothing you can do then pray/meditate or whatever you do to make peace with the situation.
- Repeat for Angry, Depressed, Hurt, Guilty, Fearful, Lonely, Rejected, Jealous & Frustrated.
I’d love to hear how you go with this, or what you like to do at the turn of the seasons.
* A Someday list is an adaptation of the ‘Someday/Maybe’ items in David Allens’s How To Get Things Done organisational system. A book I highly recommend. In essence anything that you would like to do some day & any project you would like to begin but don’t currently have the time, resources or inclination to begin belong on this list.
Tags: Coaching, Emotions, Facebook, Family, Feedback, Lessons, Personal Growth
Posted in Dreams, Life, Personal Development, Relationships | No Comments »
Friday, August 28th, 2009
They say that our times have lost their innocence. Granted, we are no longer living in a society that could be described as naive, unworldly or inoffensive but all innocence is not lost. I think it is time for innocence to make a comeback. Sophistication and her sisters jaded and skeptical have had their day in the sun and I for one am ready for something, well nicer.
Though the world has long lost its innocence I don’t believe that innocence is extinct. Our relationships can be innocent. Innocence can also be described as; freedom of cunning and deceit, simplicity and harmlessness. I don’t know about you but those adjectives also describe the way I’d like to interact with my friends and family.
It is so damned easy these days to shoot first and ask questions later. It is standard practice to assume everybody is out to get you. We jump to conclusions every day and more often than not those conclusions are of the unfavourable variety. We defend ourselves all the time in anticipation of an attack and as a result keep people at a distance. Relationship status on Facebook even offers the option ‘its complicated’. I am in no way suggesting that its wise to walk down a dark alley at night or to assume multinational companies are playing fairly, just that we could be nicer to the girl at the checkout, the guy on the bus, the crazy neighbour and our colleagues.
If you too would like more innocence in your life try these on for size:
- Everybody is doing the very best they can with what they have
- Nobody makes a decision, that at the time, they think is a bad one
- Most people respond well to honesty and honest feedback
- Most people blossom when given the benefit of the doubt
- Most people don’t realise they are being offensive
- Most times if you bring a transgression to someones attention you will get a full apology
So next time the service isn’t great, your friends cancels at the last minute or a colleague is frosty presume innocence. The alternative jaded negative view hurts no-one more than you.
Tags: Connection, Emotions, Feedback, Friendship, Happiness, Inspiration
Posted in Grace, Life, Personal Development, Relationships | No Comments »
Thursday, August 6th, 2009
We are taught not to sweat the small stuff; to let go of minor irritations, not to concern ourselves with petty things. While I agree that it isn’t worthwhile panicking that the kitchen isn’t spotless or that some one else is wearing the same outfit as you, I think the small things speak volumes about us.
We come prepared for the big things, both good and bad. We expect elation and anguish. We know roughly how to deal with the big things and if we don’t, we know where to go to for help. It’s ok to talk about the big things; positive or negative they become a badge of honour.
How we deal with the big things says a lot about us. Are you the kind of person why holds their head high in the face of adversity? Do you fold under pressure? Do you bravely face the ups and down of your life or do you search for scapegoats?
But for me we embody our grace, or not, in the small things; how we handle minor irritations, poor service, gossip, rudeness, rain and everyday stresses.
Tags: Challenge, Emotions, Failure, Feedback, Observations, Personal Growth
Posted in Coaching, Femininity, Grace, Life, Personal Development | 1 Comment »
Friday, July 31st, 2009
So many times we wonder where our rescuer is when we have made no indication that we are in trouble.
We get so accustomed to fighting just to keep our heads above water that it doesn’t register that we are actually losing the battle until we start swallowing water. The turning point between swimming and drowning is swift and difficult to detect. Our friends may miss it if they turn their heads for a moment.
Our loved ones, aware of our independent nature, mistake our drowning for waving. It probably doesn’t help that most of us would be only too happy to drown if we looked chic doing it. Precious time is lost.
There are many ways out short out this circuit and break the pattern. Depending on how drastic a change you are prepared to make, the following are a few of your options:
Small changes
- Carry a signal, like a flare or a whistle. This way you can call for help quickly if you need it. It is light weight and won’t be hard to carry. i.e. call a friend when you need to
- Take an inflatable dingy with you. This way you won’t need a rescuer. It’s heavier to carry and could be a little cumbersome. i.e. find an outlet, be it meditation, a weekend away, a massage.
Big changes
- Get out of the deep water. This means you need to take a step back until your tippy toes can reach the bottom. Yes you may have to slow down for a little while but you can go deeper when you are stronger and can swim effortlessly. i.e. find a counsellor, change your job, change your relationship
Tags: Balance, Coaching, Emotions, Failure, Feedback, Personal Growth
Posted in Coaching, Grace, Life, Personal Development, Relationships | 2 Comments »
Monday, May 4th, 2009
I once was a perfectionist. I was raised to believe that I could achieve anything and to never accept ‘good enough’ as good enough. This foundation stood me in great stead at school and later on in my career (until I became a work-a-holic that is). As I recovered from my workaholism I chose to abandon perfectionism in favour of excellence. I maintained the deep seated belief that I can achieve anything and let go of the need to measure myself by the flawlessness of my output.
Or so I had thought.
You see I Know that I have control over very few things; my thoughts, my feelings and my actions. I understand that people are going to think what they are going to think and that what they think about me is none of my business. I have chosen to measure myself by the purity of my intentions, how effortlessly I respond to my world, regardless of how it looks, and how well I grow to know myself.
Yes, I know better. But it didn’t stop me sweating bullets when my website went live last night. My inner critic ran rife.
I am not perfect. I am not yet complete. I am a work in progress. I make mistakes. I have just put myself out there to be seen, judged, critiqued. For some I will come up wanting. My hope is that I might have the opportunity to serve some too.
Lessons: The gap between not knowing and knowing is far smaller than the gap between knowing and doing. Don’t wait for perfection because perfection will never come.
Tags: Add new tag, Failure, Feedback, Lessons, Personal Growth
Posted in Coaching, Grace, Personal Development | 1 Comment »
