Deep water

So many times we wonder where our rescuer is when we have made no indication that we are in trouble.

We get so accustomed to fighting just to keep our heads above water that it doesn’t register that we are actually losing the battle until we start swallowing water. The turning point between swimming and drowning is swift and difficult to detect. Our friends may miss it if they turn their heads for a moment.

Our loved ones, aware of our independent nature, mistake our drowning for waving. It probably doesn’t help that most of us would be only too happy to drown if we looked chic doing it. Precious time is lost.

There are many ways out short out this circuit and break the pattern. Depending on how drastic a change you are prepared to make, the following are a few of your options:

Small changes

• Carry a signal, like a flare or a whistle. This way you can call for help quickly if you need it. It is light weight and won’t be hard to carry. i.e. call a friend when you need to
• Take an inflatable dingy with you. This way you won’t need a rescuer. It’s heavier to carry and could be a little cumbersome. i.e. find an outlet, be it meditation, a weekend away, a massage.

Big changes

• Get out of the deep water. This means you need to take a step back until your tippy toes can reach the bottom. Yes you may have to slow down for a little while but you can go deeper when you are stronger and can swim effortlessly. i.e. find a counsellor, change your job, change your relationship

The Soap

I chuckled to myself as I fished yet another random object out of my son’s mouth this morning. It wasn’t the first time I have tossed a drool covered chunk of soap in the bin. It tastes as foul as I remember; my Mum once followed through on her threat to wash my potty-mouth out with soap. I even tasted some to make sure I didn’t make the mistake of buying yummy soap. It may be organic, but it sure as hell isn’t tasty.

I didn’t instantly wash his mouth with water in the hopes that the taste would remind him not only not to eat soap, but not to pick up random things and try to eat them. A gentle lesson from the school of hard knocks. Or so I thought. Not a minute later I spy the cheeky devil skulling water from his little green sippy-cup.

Lesson: When you make a mistake trust your instincts – you know how to fix it.

He is still picking up random things and trying to eat them, but this afternoon he is quick to spit out anything that tastes bad.

Lesson: Don’t let a bad experience stop you from trying new things. Learn from the bad and move on.

Perfectionist

I once was a perfectionist. I was raised to believe that I could achieve anything and to never accept ‘good enough’ as good enough. This foundation stood me in great stead at school and later on in my career (until I became a work-a-holic that is). As I recovered from my workaholism I chose to abandon perfectionism in favour of excellence. I maintained the deep seated belief that I can achieve anything and let go of the need to measure myself by the flawlessness of my output.

Or so I had thought.

You see I Know that I have control over very few things; my thoughts, my feelings and my actions. I understand that people are going to think what they are going to think and that what they think about me is none of my business. I have chosen to measure myself by the purity of my intentions, how effortlessly I respond to my world, regardless of how it looks, and how well I grow to know myself.

Yes, I know better. But it didn’t stop me sweating bullets when my website went live last night. My inner critic ran rife.

I am not perfect. I am not yet complete. I am a work in progress. I make mistakes. I have just put myself out there to be seen, judged, critiqued. For some I will come up wanting. My hope is that I might have the opportunity to serve some too.

Lessons: The gap between not knowing and knowing is far smaller than the gap between knowing and doing.  Don’t wait for perfection because perfection will never come.

Fail Often

Most of us have a fear of failure. Software failures. Failed relationships. Failure to thrive. Failing tests. Failing to get the job. Failing to make the sale. Failing to pick up.  I have known people (hmmm some friend – not me) who has had tantrums when the laptop fails to connect to the network.  ‘Epic fail’ is even a put down these days.

So why would anyone ever give advice to ‘Fail quickly and fail often’? I dare you to google the phrase. You will get results from Professors, Marketing Gurus like Seth Godin and HarvardBusiness.org. So what do they know that we don’t?

Nothing.

They do however have a different perspective.  They are focused on learning. They accept that failing is a natural part of the learning process. They are far less attached to the stigma and embarrassment of failure, less interested in keeping face.  They realise that not acting, or playing it safe (thus remaining stagnant) is far worse than making a few mistakes en route to the next epiphany. re

So how do we apply the thinking of the world’s top strategists (not the ones responsible for the global credit crisis I promise) to our daily lives? Ask for Honest Feedback if its not working let it go or change it. Take action; if in doubt do something, anything, just don’t allow yourself to remain stagnant by default.

Even Michael Jordan fails a lot.