Posts Tagged ‘Confusion’

Taking stock

Monday, April 5th, 2010

9 days into marriage and I feel, well….. nothing. Nothing different, anyway.

All my married friends have told me that marriage changes everything and nothing all at once. This is true for my husband (it still feels weird using that title), but I seem to have only got the ‘nothing’ part. Well, other than my immune system completely crashing, that is. But still, it is early days yet.

A dear friend  (a very wise one at that) reminded me at various stages throughout the reception that a marriage, like any other ritual, is symbolic. That it is powerful and will take time to integrate. Truer words have never been spoken, but I do wonder if you must endorse the ritual or simply participate to truly be changed by it.

I have been thinking a lot since the wedding. About love and marriage, not to mention the events of the weekend itself.  So much took place. So many virtually all those we care about were in the one place at the one time. That alone is a mother-load of quality time to process. Add to that potent mix the vows, speeches, drunken deep and meaningful conversations, poignant one liners, interesting situations (often interesting drunken situations) and you have too many memories to process, to many moments to take into my heart, in 9 short days.

My response so far has been to write – a hell of a lot. I have listened to my old favourite music. I have rearranged the kitchen and my bedroom. Lost my appetite. Done a truckload of laundry and spoken to my girlfriends heaps. There is nothing out of the ordinary in the list other than the laundry. Damn I hate laundry! Oh and the appetite.

As for married life? Is it safe to assume married me will be a thinner washer-woman? I hope not. The jury’s still out on married life.  When I see it I’ll let you know.

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Posted in Life, Marriage, Personal Development | 2 Comments »

Musings on Grace

Monday, January 18th, 2010

I firmly believe that it takes a village to raise a child. In a ‘village’ children grow up at the feet of elders, learning vital lessons. Adults in a ‘village’ mentor and teach adolescents, instructing them in the skills and knowledge that they will need to contribute to the village in adulthood. Sadly I feel that my generation grew up largely without that village. This is not a criticism of our for-mothers; they were focused on creating a society where we (as women) would be valued as equals. It is because of them that we have an opportunity now to instruct the daughters of our new ‘village’ in all the skills of an adult and not just half of them.

As a result of growing up without the village microcosm we are drastically short of role models we can aspire to emulate, again not because our mothers are not ‘role models’ but because our paths are likely to be very different to theirs. Young women are in search of mentors and are coming up short. The ‘self help’ genre is growing exponentially as women reach out for help, desperately craving guidance and support.

I am fortunate in that I have had the loving guidance of mentors throughout my journey thus far. There is no substitute for experience; lessons only become permanent when one has lived them and been transformed by the experience. But the transformation isn’t automatic, the generation of women who repeatedly turn to inappropriate relationships, emotional eating and ‘retail therapy’ are a testament to that. The disconnect is that the skills necessary to courageously face life, walk towards our dreams and learn from adversity were the ones we never learnt at the feet of our elders.

We identify women of grace that we wish to grow like, but lack the vocabulary to identify what it is about their person that we value. The closest words we have to describe what it is we want are; beauty, respect, success and charisma. So we blindly stumble in search of what we think will bring us these; physical ‘perfection’, celebrity and the adoration of men. But we have the cart before the horse. Celebrity (lasting celebrity and not infamy) and adoration are the by-products of a life lived gracefully with purpose.

The deceptive nature of grace is that it ‘appears’ effortless. It seems as though it is a gift bestowed at birth when it is an attitude and a set of skills. Grace is a carriage, a way of being, that has nothing to do with external beauty. Though a graceful woman does possess a ‘glow’ that is often mistaken for, or perceived as beauty. There are guidelines, tools and secrets that graceful women live by and demonstrate, that when applied to our lives, transform them as though they have been bewitched by a fairy godmother’s wand.

This year I am working on embodying grace a little more… what about you?

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Posted in Body Image, Femininity, Grace, Inspiration, Life, Womanhood | 1 Comment »

My black holes

Friday, January 8th, 2010

I may not have mentioned in the past, but I have little black holes in my cognition. Areas where a normal person would understand a specific topic are totally blank within me and I am left confounded as to how in the hell someone could possibly conceive of such a thing.

Here are a few of those black spots, that for the life of me I cannot wrap my head around. The instances where i try, my brain explodes and goes walking around on its own two legs:

Violence

Violence, for example ultimate fighting/cage fighting. I mean really who thought that this was a good idea? How can people watch it or participate in it? While I am a pacifist and don’t believe that violence is ever the answer I can understand that at times it happens. But to encourage violence to cause injury for no reason but enjoyment? I simply cannot understand this.

I know many a soldier and trust me, they don’t relish violence. They would much rather avoid it if they can. They do their job, they serve their mates and their country but they don’t have a blood thirst. Martial Arts too avoids conflict as much as possible. Combat training is used as a path to controlling the base desires of the body and even the greatest of military minds SunTzu said that he who goes to battle has already lost. Fighting for the sake of fighting? I can’t see the fun or even glory in fighting for nothing. No disrespect to the fighters… I just don’t understand them

‘Earning’ respect

I have had some discussions recently with friends about respect. I find it an interesting topic of conversation. There seems to be a consensus that respect can be earned by deeds. That the actions of a person can, somehow, be tallied up, judged. The result indicating whether or not others should respecting them. What the? Are we really serious? Do we mean to say that an outsider can arbitrarily perceive and judge another by their deeds and then decide not to respect them? Again, I have difficulty understanding this. Who do we think we are?

Every human being is deserving of respect. Full stop. Respect is a function of respecting others and as such is an extension of character not deeds. We do what we have to do, no body has the right to judge us or disrespect us. And if they try they only succeed in disrespecting themselves.

Abusing the body

I will admit up front that I am not the most physical person. I would much rather exercise my mental, emotional or spiritual self than the body. But I am getting better. Fueling the body, exercising the body, pushing the body all seem relatively valid to me. But pushing the body beyond rational limits? All I can say is ‘why?’ By all means push through the pain barrier, find your physical limits if you must, but once you’ve found them, it doesn’t make sense to me to push the body beyond its clear signals to ‘Stop!’ to the point that you risk damaging it.

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Posted in Life | No Comments »