Posts Tagged ‘Add new tag’

Meaning

Saturday, August 8th, 2009

Objects are really just that – an object. In themselves they hold no meaning, other than the ones we give them that is. Any meaning an object holds for you was created by you, for you.

An engagement ring doesn’t encapsulate your partners love for you. It is metal and stone. A luxury car does not mean you are successful. Trophies don’t mean you are talented. Keeping a gift from an ex is not a betrayal of your partner (unless it feels that way to you). Owning the ‘it’ bag of the season doesn’t mean your stylish. Massive numbers of Twitter and Facebook ‘friends’ doesn’t mean you’re popular.

The same way that owning books doesn’t mean you can read. Owning Skis doesn’t mean you can ski. Having a marriage certificate doesn’t mean you’re loved. Owning a home doesn’t mean you’re settled. Having lots of stamps in your passport doesn’t mean you’re cultured.

Next time you’re at the check out and about to purchase your newest object, have a think: What does this mean to me? Will it help me achieve my goals? Am I buying it for pleasure? Do I really want this object or am I buying it for the meaning I believe it holds?

The fact that we give meaning to inanimate objects isn’t an issue. I too have my own collection for sentimental reasons. The key is to not be controlled by your objects and obsessed with the meaning they hold for you. The happiest and freest people I know could easily walk away for everything they own. Could you?

Jack’s Back

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009

John Farnham just announced another tour. Now I know that there have been varying reactions to this; his biggest fans are elated that his ‘Last Time’ tour wasn’t the last time at all and a former fan is making claims of misrepresentation. It’s all a result of his very short set at sound relief. Which, come to think of it, made me cry.

I’ll set the scene:

Chicken (my baby) is in his highchair eating lunch. Sweet potato spread from his eyebrows to his nappy. Sound relief on the radio. Coldplay and Farnsy performing ‘You’re the voice’.

I flash back to dancing around the living room with my Mum and sister as a kid to the Whispering Jack album.

Chicken raises his little hands into the air asking to be picked up. Moments later we are dancing around the living room together. He starts singing, remarkably in tune for a little tyke.

A tear rolls down my cheek as I realize it has come full circle. (Or perhaps as I realize that I’m turning into my mother.) I know deep in my bones that I’ll do everything I can to prevent my son every looking at anyone ‘down the barrel of a gun’.

Disappointment

Monday, May 18th, 2009

Expectation is the mother of all disappointments. We will never get what we want. They day that we do we want something more, something different, ‘have you got it in antique white?’, ‘well yes it was great but…’.

Desire is our nature. Our thought processes are all about something we want or something we want to avoid. We want:

5 more minutes sleep, a hot cup of coffee, no traffic on the road, an empty email inbox, appreciation at work, the client to call before 2pm, the dress in the window on our way to lunch, to avoid the crowds at the food court, someone else to handle the mess waiting for us on our return to the office, people to pull their weight at work damnit!, the last half hour to fly by, for clients not to call 5 minutes before knock-off time, there to be a smooth run on the way home, to listen to Hamish & Andy on the way home, a creamy pasta for dinner – stuff the calories, to watch our favourite TV show, for the bottle of wine we opened to be nice, a piece (or block) of dark chocolate to accompany the wine, a long hot bath and a good nights sleep.

There is nothing wrong with desire, its what drives us on. Desire climbed Mt. Everest. Desire created (and nurtures) a family. Desire completed the degree. Desire vies for promotion. Desire makes the best chocolate cake you have ever eaten.

Desire is desirable. Expectation is not. Desire is an open ended question. Expectation is a closed question. Desire leads us in a direction. Expectation paints us into a corner.

Desire the most amazing things you can imagine. Desire the most decadent sweets, the most exciting adventures, the most supportive family, the most fulfilling career. But never, ever expect these things. The experience will allways fall short; for your reach will always exceed your grasp.

Perfectionist

Monday, May 4th, 2009

I once was a perfectionist. I was raised to believe that I could achieve anything and to never accept ‘good enough’ as good enough. This foundation stood me in great stead at school and later on in my career (until I became a work-a-holic that is). As I recovered from my workaholism I chose to abandon perfectionism in favour of excellence. I maintained the deep seated belief that I can achieve anything and let go of the need to measure myself by the flawlessness of my output.

Or so I had thought.

You see I Know that I have control over very few things; my thoughts, my feelings and my actions. I understand that people are going to think what they are going to think and that what they think about me is none of my business. I have chosen to measure myself by the purity of my intentions, how effortlessly I respond to my world, regardless of how it looks, and how well I grow to know myself.

Yes, I know better. But it didn’t stop me sweating bullets when my website went live last night. My inner critic ran rife.

I am not perfect. I am not yet complete. I am a work in progress. I make mistakes. I have just put myself out there to be seen, judged, critiqued. For some I will come up wanting. My hope is that I might have the opportunity to serve some too.

Lessons: The gap between not knowing and knowing is far smaller than the gap between knowing and doing.  Don’t wait for perfection because perfection will never come.

Balance

Monday, April 20th, 2009

Believe it or not, balance is a naturally occurring state. Something either balances or it doesn’t. It flows or it doesn’t. Making something balanced by brute force will never work, because when the force is gone so is the balance.

If we try to force balance in our lives we are never able to relax. We become exhausted and our forced balance begins to slip. We feel ‘out of balance’ and we go looking for tools, techniques and coaches to teach us how to manhandle things back into a forced balance.

We have all done it. I know I used to. I sense that something was consuming too much energy and pulling me off centre so I would work extra hard, ‘fire myself up’ in the hope of creating more energy or try to prop everything else up.

We feel we are not spending enough time with our friends. It would help to spend a leisurely afternoon and spending quality, restorative and refreshing time with a friend. Instead we over schedule ourselves trying to catch up with everybody in the same weekend. Or we feel like work is taking over our life so we do more overtime believing if we work super-duper-ridiculous hours we will get on top of it. All we end up doing is working more, and finding more work to do. The ‘on top of it’ moment never comes.

So what other choices do we have? We could quiet the noise, cease the busyness and just listen for a moment. Listen to what you really want to do next. You see when we feel off kilter we usually have a deeply hidden desire. Your intuition is whispering the ideal counterbalance. A yearning so simple we most often dismiss it. An unpretentious pleasure, easily achieved. If you tune in & act on the quiet voice the outcome is remarkable; instant balance.

Some of the small indulgences that have saved my sanity in the past include:

  1. A pot of peppermint tea
  2. Fine dark chocolate
  3. A walk along the beach
  4. Old movies
  5. Reading a great book
  6. Journaling
  7. A sleep in
  8. A day at the Museum
  9. A good cry
  10. Putting my feet up
  11. Singing at the top of my lungs
  12. Buying fresh flowers
  13. Sitting in the park under a tree
  14. Hiding in a secluded café for an hour
  15. A weekend away

A girlfriend I caught up with recently named pedicures as one of her balance inducing activities.

None of these are goal orientated activities. In and of themselves they don’t  actually achieve anything. That is the key. You don’t create a balanced environment ripe for producing results by being results focused all the time. You have to play as hard as you work.

My small indulgences create space for me to stop ‘doing’ and just ‘be’. They break the cycle of craziness long enough for me to breathe. After a breath and a moment of real ‘me-ness’ my natural balance bubbles up to the surface and I can move on with more grace.

Now when I feel off balance I take my foot off the gas instead of flooring it.