Thoughts count
It’s the thought that counts. Except when it doesn’t.
If thought is as far as it goes, sometimes that thought is downright torturous.
I knew it was crisis time when the baby was screaming at the breast and I had no compassion to give. All I had was the thought “just take the breast damnit!”. I can’t give what I haven’t got in me to give.
I needed some time to refill, to recoup.
Hubby took the baby and went for a walk. He hoped to give me time to regroup whilst he walked the baby to sleep. I intended to make he most of my brief window of peace. I ran a bath, lit candles, undressed and dipped my toe into the steaming water. Que my preschooler waking from a nightmare with a scream.
I soothed him gently. Though my mind was elsewhere, on body image to be honest, seeing as he rushed into my arms even before I found a robe. I attempted to indulge in my bath a second time 5 minutes later, before I gave up and let the water go cold and the candles burn down.
My luscious bath products swirled down the drain with discarded leg hair later that evening. Unable to waste the bath water, I had boiled the kettle to add some warmth and quickly shaved my legs. I’m nothing if not utilitarian.
The thought didn’t count, at least not towards returning my sanity. I am not rested, restored or regrouped. I thought about me time and all it achieved was giving me an opportunity to lament the time before children when I had to escape to a hotel for a bath, because all we had was a shower.
Sometimes, patience is more effective than ‘the thought’. Patience, perseverance and acceptance. Patience to wait, perseverance to not give up and acceptance that bathing alone (even a lowly shower) is out of the question.
2 comments
I know how you felt. I even had my little six month old bite me while feeding. Ow! Those are the times you need to take a deep breath and probably a walk…preferably alone!
I know how you felt. I even had my little six month old Little guy bite me while feeding. Ow! Those are the times you need to take a deep breath and probably a walk…preferably alone!