Ritual

I was told on my wedding day that ritual is not to be underestimated, that rituals change a participant. I didn’t want to believe the assertion, yet it resonated within me.

I never wanted to get married. But I did. It strikes me as devastating that some people who want to get married, can’t. But that is a post for another day.

I felt like a freak for never dreaming of the Cindarella wedding. I know now that I belong to a growing category; women who marry their long term partners because the ceremony is important to their man. Are our men assuming the ‘Prince charming’ role as quickly as we abandon the tortured Cindarella?

I didn’t eneter into marriage lightly. We didn’t exchange rings. (Our sons, the eldest of which was sitting on my hip during the ceremony, join us without end.) We exchanged tantric vows. I don’t wear my engagement ring on my ‘ring finger’ because it’s too big now- it sits on my ‘rude finger’. The irony isn’t lost on me. I lost my voice the eve of the wedding.

I did it for him, or so I thought. Perhaps he really did it for me.

Ritual changes the participants. The change found me, through all my smoke and mirrors. Somewhere deep inside the ritual took root. The change has been subtle, profound and inescapable.

I told my friend on her wedding day last weekend that ritual changes people. I saw the doubt in her eyes & yet she squeezed our hug tighter. It resonated with her too.

With the power of ritual weighing heavily on my mind, I have begun to wonder; How can we harness the power of ritual for compassion? Could we join families cross continents in a ceremony so they support each other? Could we have compassion rituals in private to be more gentle to our selves?

How has ritual changed you?