4 types of tears
I have heard of 4 seasons in one day. I have experienced 4 moods in a day. Who am I kidding – I have had 4 moods in an hour. Today was a first. Today I had 4 types of tears in a day;
We all know these tears. They come at the worts time. You are so angry you could explode. You are trying to keep your voice even when you want to screech. Your rage is building and all you want is to make the other understand your position. You need them to understand. And your body goes and betrays you – you burst into tears.
This morning it was my son, being cheeky, then back-chatting me, kicking the game over and finally sitting with his back to me saying ‘I’m ignoring you, Mum’. At least I didn’t yell.
The most common type of tears. They are best defined by what they are not. Generic sadness. Not quite grief. Not quite heartbreak. Not quite wracking sobs. Just tears. Something saddens you, upsets you, pulls at your heart-strings and the waterworks begin.
Later this morning after the ‘ignoring incident’ where Mr 2 was sat in the ‘thinking corner’ of the couch to ponder his behavior he promptly fell asleep amidst his apology. Sleep. At 11.30am. Most mothers would be silently dancing around the room with joy. But my baby is sick. This isn’t the tiredness of a child running in the sunshine. The tears just flowed.
These tears are new to me. From what I can tell they are reserved only for situations where you are unable to or ineffectual in your attempt to help a loved one. I have only ever experienced them when a loved one is ill in some way.
This afternoon, leaving the Dr’s office I simply couldn’t stop them rolling down my cheeks. He assured me that the referral I clutched was for the best Dr in his field and that my waiting period was remarkably short. He also warned that none of the efforts I was making would help in any way what so ever, except for making me feel useful. Great.
These are often mistaken as happy tears. There is a difference. A subtle difference. Grateful tears are tears of pure thanks. Something reminds you how very lucky you are; to be alive, to have the family you do, to be exactly where you are and the gratitude is expressed physically as little drops cascading down your cheeks.
Later this afternoon, when we arrived home. Mr 2 sitting in his Daddy’s lap pretending to drive the car in the driveway. Cooper is luminescent with joy and his Daddy is sitting in awe. Powderfinger’s ‘Burn your Name’ (one of our wedding songs) comes on the radio. I am utterly struck by exactly how blessed I am to be wife and mother to these beautiful men.
Yes, I am hormonal, sleep-deprived, stressed, exhausted and generally sentimental but what a day…