Intersected’s Jamie Varon recently announced her first blog contest. The following is my humble submission.
It took me a while to figure out which way was up. It’s hard to get your bearings when your life exists as 3 hour chunks. Even harder to feel at the end of the day that I had achieved anything when my full time job was learning to breastfeed.
My pregnancy was a surprise to me. Well not really a surprise, I did get the ‘birds and the bees’ talk. Perhaps unplanned serendipitous event is a better phrase. An anxiety inducing, scary as hell phase for a compulsive planner like myself. It took me the first trimester to figure out what to do next.
Then it dawned on me; plan.
Oh I planned on having kids when I was 25, debt free and in a job with paid maternity leave. I didn’t plan on vomiting every day for 9 months, missing best friend’s 25th birthday because I was asleep by 8pm and repeatedly leaving my wallet in the freezer. I needed a new plan altogether.
I spent 9 months doing everything to prepare myself for the un-preparable. I meditated on an uncomplicated birth. I painted antique baby furniture (with non-toxic, low VOC paints). I spent hours buying tiny baby socks and pre-washing baby clothes. How could I have known that the tiny bundle I was carrying was a catalyst; that he would redefine the boundaries of everything in my world.
Yes. It took me a while to figure out which way was up. Even longer to discern what success and forward movement looked like. It took the courage to let go of KPI’s, my identity as a worker, my body insecurities and to acknowledge that the lines had blurred. There is no life, work or love anymore. They are intersected & intertwined.
My life is my work and I love it!
