Archive for the ‘Balance’ Category

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I shall believe

Monday, July 5th, 2010

Please excuse my recent absence. Things have been kind of crazy. That special kind of crazy that happens just before momentum begins. Well, we finally have momentum, and in some ways I credit my #21.5.800 journey for that. The movement is on a long-term project though and it will probably take a few months to solidify, so forgive me too for not sharing the details here now.

The place I am in at the moment is an interesting one. I haven’t been here before, but I have done this before. I have begun projects. I have made commitments. I am a planner by nature. If you need planning or nurturing, I’m your girl. I have just never undertaken it from this perspective before.

Normally a happy Rae (thats what my friends call me, Rae, and if your reading this I guess you’re a friend now. Right?) in the past was busy with a happy dance. Usually a staccato, groovy happy dance. Not a flowing belly dance. Not that I am a great dancer either way. Happy Rae of the past would do a lot of bouncing on the spot, some running on tippy toes, lots of running around, going to meet people , in general lots of doing. My best friend describes me as excitable if that gives you a clearer picture.

Currently I am happy. Very, very, very, happy actually and yet I have no urge to bounce.

I have not bounced, run on tippy toes or rushed to organise get-togethers. I have a pervading sense of stillness. I have grown quiet. I have become calm. I am acutely, almost painfully, aware of the balance of all things. I have grown more tender and more compassionate. My happiness has made me more generous of heart. On a profound level I feel more connected and a greater urge to give. Even to myself.

I have grown gentler and softer. I have bypassed the rigidity of excitement and the expectation that accompanies good news. I am hopeful. I am open. I am unguarded. I have slowed down. Despite my joy and hope I am also in touch with the sadness and loss of life. I am not experiencing sadness in my life right now, but it exists none the less. And I feel it.

Sheryl Crow’s I shall believe is one of my all time favourite songs. It speaks of sadness, hope and healing. In it I see the transition from the anguish of loss to the bliss of returning to glory. That place between anguish and bliss, of neither but aware of both; this seems to be my new home. The place of mindful compassion and faith is where I find myself now.

Where are you?

Posted in Balance, Grace, Life, Spirituality | 4 Comments »

Mellow

Monday, May 3rd, 2010

Have you never been mellow?
Have you never tried to find a comfort from inside you?
Have you never been happy just to hear your song?
Have you never let someone else be strong?

-Olivia Newton John: Have you never been mellow

Yes I know I just lost every ounce of credibility when I posted ONJ lyrics from 1975, but I have already confessed to enjoying old daggy music, so bear with me.

Have you ever noticed that the people with the most (personal) power, respect and confidence are the most ‘mellow’? They speak in a level tone, they have no need to yell. Even if they were whispering people would strain to listen.

These people seem to bypass the socially awkward moments associated with meeting new people; they welcome all effortlessly with seemingly no concern of what the other may think of them. They know what others think of them is none of their business.

Those with personal power tend to have a close posse. Not because they require them as a crutch, but because they understand the value of letting people in. They respect the poignancy of silence too, so mindless chatter is kept to a minimum.

I found it easy to be mellow while I was pregnant. But I feel I was cheating somewhat – it is easy to be mellow when you don’t have the energy to be gregarious and where people walk on eggshells around you vying for the opportunity to fulfill your next craving.

My challenge. Now that I am ‘back’; able to show some skin (and wear an underwire bra), imbibe a cocktail (or 4) and hit the dance floor with the girls, to still flavor my life with mellow, understated grace.

How do you balance the mellow and ostentatious sides of your life?


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Lets talk about … My fine line

Tuesday, April 13th, 2010

There is a fine line, at least in my pretty little head, between submitting to someone else’s will and choosing to find happiness in someone else’s happiness.

You might need to read that one again. It is a really, really, fine line.

This is a really complicated issue. At least for me. The concept of submitting to the will of another is abhorrent to me. It makes my blood run cold and every single cell in my body rebels against it. As a woman especially, I harks back to millennia of women without an avenue to exercise their own will. Similarly though the concept of finding happiness in someone else’s happiness reeks of the feminine mystique, of 1850′s housewives socially trapped into living only for their husband’s and children.

The key here, I guess, is choice. Choice is what we have been fighting for, isn’t it? Somehow some choices still seem to betray myself, my gender. The difference between an enlightened, empowered choice and a choice that flies in the face of my freedoms and rights? Awareness.

Conscious choice makes all the difference. Conscious choice is the only thing that makes the life of a modern wife and stay at home mother different to that of her 1950′s counterpart. I am choosing fulfillment in my role as domestic goddess. They had no other option.

I chose to marry because it was important to my husband. Not out of fear. I chose to remain at home raising my son, because it is honestly the hardest, toughest, most fulfilling thing I have ever undertaken. And I don’t back away from a challenge. What makes my choices, in my mind, revolutionary and rebellious and empowered is that I am aware of every choice I make. I put my life under the microscope and analyse who I am in the face of my freedoms and choices.

I walk a fine line. My priorities and daily tasks are essentially for my family. My self inquiry, my honesty with (and about) what goes on for me in my heart and head in response to this, that is my saving grace. Conscious choice is the difference between oppressed and living breathing empowerment.

I bet I am not the only woman steadily walking this line. What lines do you walk?

(excuse the late post, I am trying a new parenting style today and it is labor intensive.)

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Posted in Balance, Femininity, Grace, Life, Marriage, Motherhood, The unspoken, Womanhood | 2 Comments »

Lets talk about…. my imperfection

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

This blog should have been written 24 hours ago. Maybe more. No excuses here, mind you. I am open to criticism and may she who embodies perfection throw the first stone. Any takers? No? Really? That’s no surprise to me. But it does bring up an important question – Why do we try so hard to appear perfect?

I am no super woman. Yet so often I catch myself trying to be. So when I sat in the hair stylist’s chair this morning, after only 2 hours sleep, with the world’s greasiest hair, a piping hot coffee and grapes from the fruit market across the street, I apologised. Not once, but about a million times. I apologised for not getting my stylist a coffee because I couldn’t remember how he takes it. I apologised for my hair being greasy because the hot water system had been down for nearly two days and I can only bare an ice-cold shower for long enough to wash my body. I apologised for eating despite the fact that I hadn’t had time for breakfast (I spent my breakfast time sleeping and having a cold shower). I apologised in advance for rudely leaving my phone on incase the plumber called. I apologised for not taking better care of my hair. And then apologised for having such fabulous hair that despite rarely conditioning or brushing (yes bad rae!) that it still looked good to him. I apologised for not being my bubbly because despite two highly caffeinated drinks I was not alert. At all.

Honestly, this was my morning. And that only demonstrates the need I felt to be perfect for my hair dresser! On the way home I was to pick up a prescription for my baby and ingredients for dinner. Dinner is covered but the prescription was still on the fridge! Damn. Getting home, feeling that I was doing pretty well, only stuffing one thing up, functioning on caffeine alone (the grapes didn’t go down well) I realised that I had promised my son a kinder surprise. Epic. Fail. Mum. The darling child was happy with my discarded grapes none the less.

I am calling myself out. I am so far from perfect it is laughable. Don’t expect me to be, the closest I will come is apologising for my shortcomings.

PS Oh and I will apologise to you if you find spelling or grammatical issues. My editing eyes only kick in after 4 or more hours sleep :)

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Posted in Balance, Grace, Life, Motherhood, The unspoken, Womanhood | 1 Comment »

The inevitability of Love

Sunday, February 14th, 2010

Staring out my window looking through the sheets of grey rain at the enormous gum tree dancing in the breeze, I feel comforted. There has always something about a good thunder-storm that soothes me right to the wick. The thing about thunder storms is that they are inevitable. I am yet to meet a person who can stop them. It is as though mother earth feels the need to cleanse herself with rain and express her emotions with the brilliance of lightning and the power of thunder.

Weather moves in cycles. All of life moves in cycles. We all fall into step with the rhythm of life – even if we don’t know it. This is the season of love. We didn’t decide that it was time to move from fear to love and yet nobody, it seems, is immune.

There are people around me falling in love. Established couples are re-evaluating their love and deepening it. More still are making their love official with proposals and Weddings. Love has become the flavour in the air, the all-pervasive mood and the twinkle in our collective eyes.

Happy Valentines Day. Bring on the year of the Tiger. May we all roll with the flow that is Love and enjoy its simple unfettered pleasures. After all Love is inevitable. And it is cyclic. Enjoy it while it is lapping at your feet, for it isn’t always so omnipresent.

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Shopping and zen

Monday, January 4th, 2010

For a long time I have said that our local shopping centre was built on a portal to hell. Nothing good ever happened there. It simply sucked the life, cheer, money and joy from you. It is a place I avoid as much as possible.

Despite my best intentions and planning, it was necessary to visit this dreaded place on christmas eve. Yes, we ventured out to the stores on Christmas Eve. Oh the Insanity! There was traffic on the roads, few parking spaces and people everywhere. I had a concise list to work through that meant I would be visiting around half a dozen stores.

People were throwing insults at each other, running trolleys into unsuspecting ankles, exchanging hollow Christmas wishes, cutting people off in the queues at the register and absent-mindedly blocking walkways. My partner was so grumpy (in response to the less than cheerful environment) I had resorted to calling him “Bah! Humbug!”, and he was answering to it.

The interesting thing, and the point of the post, is that I didn’t notice any of this. Well, I guess I noticed it because I can recall it, but it had no effect on me. No effect at all. I happily went about my business, gathering all the missing pieces for my Christmas Day celebrations without a thought or judgement about what was happening around me. I had no agenda or expectation, simply a task to complete.

The result -  I was home in an hour and a half from when I left my driveway. I was cheerful all morning. I got a parking straight away. Everybody was nice to me. The experience was possibly one of my most relaxed at the mall… ever!

I was in a zen like state! A walking meditation through the mall. Totally untouched by stress ad angst around me. Now if only I can live my whole life that way...

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Overwhelm… how I hate thee

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

If you are female aged between 21 and 50 I would bet my last TimTam (Amazing Australian biscuit) that you know the feeling well. Overwhelm, yuck!

It usually goes something like this – Work is hectic or the baby is teething, or both. AND you are stressed about one or more of the following; buying a house, planning a wedding, coping with a pregnancy, studying, planning an event, paying the bills, cleaning the house, making it to the gym, navigating family issues, launching your company, keeping in touch with friends and getting more than 5 hours sleep a night.

The more you do the more rest you need and the less time you have to get it. Usual rest periods like the commute or having a coffee we are ‘plugged in’ with the iphone making us contactable and on 24/7.

With the festive season just around the corner, the craziness will only get worse. Much worse. To the usual overwhelm we can add; double the social engagements, hangovers, present shopping, credit card debt, the mad rush at work to get everything done, being short-staffed as people take holidays, the final 4 weeks to achieve our goals for 2009.

Try these this silly season, to reduce stress, keep calm and enjoy your friends and family:

  • Make a list of priorities. Use it to guide which events you attend, who you catch up with and how you spend your time.
  • Instigate a ‘day of rest’ each week. On that evening do only things you really love, that fill you with energy like, bubble baths, movies, a meal in, a slow walk outside etc.
  • Make a christmas list and keep it with you. It will make present shopping easier.
  • Create a christmas budget and stick to it.
  • Have a maintenance weekend in the first weekend of December. Clean the house, get a manicure/pedicure, facial, waxing, haircut etc to prepare you for parties and guests for the rest of the month.
  • Aim for balance on a weekly basis. It may not be possible to go to the gym, work and a function, run errands and spend time with family all in a day. Spread it out.

What do you do to beat overwhelm?

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Our parents’ mistakes

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

I am really struggling at the moment with this notion that productivity equals worth. As a society we are lengthening our work days and taking side projects like consulting, blogging and even second jobs. What I find most astounding is that it is Gen-Y who is leading the charge. What the? Yes we are in our twenties and building the foundations of our careers and indeed our lives but wasn’t it us that vowed never to repeat our parents’ mistake of putting work before fulfillment and happiness?

I feel like we are being duped. We say we are chasing our dreams and living life on our own terms – really? Hands up who dreamed as a child of working 80 hour weeks? Hands up who dreamed of feeling the need to schedule time in order to feel comfortable relaxing? It sounds a whole lot like we are chasing the job, so we feel good about our title on Linkedin and the money to buy the stuff that we see in ads and on recommendations from Twitter and Facebook.

I don’t mean to sound judgemental really I don’t. My biggest struggle when I took time off to have a baby was that I didn’t feel productive enough. But I have since detoxed from the addiction that is feeling constantly rushed and busy.

By all means chase your dreams, create your empire, but have perspective. The art of going with the flow, the skill of remaining calm in a chaotic world, the mastery of the ego’s need to feel constantly important will bode you just as well as a side project or kudos for working overtime – but they won’t break you in the process.

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Running on empty

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

We all have the capacity to contain energy & vitality. We are also apt at losing vitality and energy. Healthy, happy, productive people have found the right balance between activities that boost their energy levels and ones that tax their energy levels.

There are a number of reasons for keeping your energy levels high:

  • It feels better
  • You are healthier when your energy levels are high
  • You have the reserves available to do the things you want to do

…but there is another reason for keeping on top of things and ensuring you have bountiful energy. Murphy’s Law.

Murphy’s Law states not only that if it can go wrong it will. But also that it will go wrong in the worst possible sequence.

The scenario goes like this – You are running on empty. You no sooner finish the thought “the last thing I need right now is…”  and you will get the call. If you’re anything like me then you will swear like a trooper. Then you will whine about the timing. Then you will remark about how you “just knew it would happen now”. And you did.

You knew it would happen and you knew when it would happen because you have been busy ignoring and denying the warning signs for a while now. You have put everything else higher on the priority list while your energy levels have been steadily declining. You knew it had to be dealt with, addressed, but the business of your life was put first. The dry cleaning, the errand, the overtime, the social engagement, the project, the favour, the deadline all taxed your energy and time, so energy boosting activities fell by the wayside and the domino’s began to fall.

Lesson: Know what fills your reservoir and make time for it. Guard those activities with all your might. You never know when the perfect opportunity might pass you by because you were too busy running on empty.

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Posted in Balance, Dreams, Grace, Life | 2 Comments »

Life

Sunday, August 30th, 2009

It’s not always fair. In fact it rarely is. It favours the brave, the ambitious, the unencumbered, the blinkered and the tunnel visioned. So if you have loved ones, hobbies, are compassionate, have children, see the bigger picture beyond your wants – you have some tough decisions to make.

The ghastly thing about tough decisions (a.k.a big scary adult decisions) is that the pay off for bravely facing the hard truth and making a considered decision is… well, not much. These are the decisions you make behind closed doors, alone or with your partner. They aren’t broadcast on Twitter, they don’t become blog fodder and its not something you chit-chat about over drinks. Nobody pats you on the back for putting your family first, you don’t get a medal for walking away from a dodgy offer, no one gives you kudos for considering the consequences, being compassionate and doing the right thing.

The pay of we get for smiling through the tears, working our fingers to the bone, fitting yet more into an already overstretched work week or family budget, for passing up an opportunity in order to spend time with your kids, for taking a career break to work for Legal Aid, for supporting your partner in their dreams, for overseeing the care of ailing loved ones, for working 2 part time jobs to afford medical school? Your sense of self.

For those whose life will not be dedicated to setting the world on fire, founding charities or fortune 500 companies, for whom the sweetness of life will not be accolades, positive press, awards and making history, the pay off is something almost spiritual. To know your heart was big enough to love despite the sacrifices, to know you were humble enough to celebrate the small successes, graceful enough to smile through the tears and wise enough to see the meaning in it all.

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