Whiplash!

How the hell did I get here? 6 weeks ago I had mental permission not to do any planning. I was relishing the release from engaging in the endless quest to ‘do something’. Instead I was doing what was right in front of me. Aaaah, the path of least resistance, how I love thee.

I spent 6 weeks following my heart. It turns out my heart is a bleeding heart. A bleeding heart that feels compelled to care for those around her regardless of the inconvenience. So in 6 weeks I have gone from resting, plan-free not working towards anything but a healthy pregnancy to having more balls in the air than I can count. Big balls.

The turn around has been so complete and quick I am suffering whiplash from the U-turn.

I am in the process of gestating a baby, figuring out how to best support a gifted toddler who is desperate to go to school, moving my grandmother from her home 2 hours away to a hostel in my area and comparing university degrees for me to start in the next few weeks. The silver lining is that I didn’t intellectually plan any of this.

Even for a control freak like me, the fact that each of these situations arose organically, without guilt or obligation, without pulling strings or orchestrating things is fantastic. To me it means I am still following my heart, doing what is in me to do. Doing what I, in the most real sense, must do. That is a definition of liberation. Loving because love is in me to give. Supporting because support and compassion is in me to give. That is a definition of Bhakti.

I have some friends, dear friends, who also believe it is a definition of burning the candle at both ends. A definition of insanity. My prayer, my meditation, is that if I follow the heart, unflinchingly, without reservation or fear, the universe will support me. I will have all I need to follow through with grace. Amen.