Real names, real embarrassing
I have a thing about raising my son in the real world. We teach him the names for vegetables, explain where beef and chicken comes from, give him real explanations about differences in race, culture and religion and taught him all the proper names for his body parts.
There are obvious advantages we see to this type of parenting; there is no backtracking to explain lies later, no embarrassing bullshit explanations that can be repeated in company, no later rebellion when he realises that Baa Baa Black Sheep is actually on his dinner plate.
I didn’t think about the disadvantages though. They aren’t quite so obvious.
We had about 40 minutes, once at our gate, to wait before boarding our flight to Cairns. There is nothing worse than dragging a toddler through an airport at high speeds then asking them to sit still and calm for 3 hours. Trust me, I have done that before. We were sitting across from a young Scandinavian family (no stereotyping here, from the comics the children were reading it was obvious) in the lounge; Mum, Dad and 2 girls about 4 and 7. It was just then that my darling little man decides it’s a good time to put his hand down his pants. (As a side note we have rules about that; 1) at home with no guests go for it 2) in public don’t even think about it, it could offend people.)
I lean over and whisper that we are in public, and that it’s not ok to put your hands down your pants. To which he replies, at the top of his lungs, “BUT I WANT TO PLAY WITH MY PENIS NOW!” Yeah, you guessed it, I couldn’t find a hole to crawl into and he just didn’t let up with the playing or the running commentary. When I thought I would just die with embarrassment the beautiful Scandinavian Mum across from me leans over and, with a smile, says ‘It’s a wonderful age, isn’t it?’ Damn! I was hoping she couldn’t speak English.
2 comments
This literally had me laughing out loud in class – absolute brilliance!!! you’ve got a brilliant little man there – if only the rest of them could be as articulate
Thanks Elle. Is it brilliant because he can voice his want to play with his genitals? Or brilliant because he can still be coherent when he is touching his genitals? Either way its moments like that that make me wish for girls