The Mat
My long time mentor and friend once explained the role of discipline to me in growth. For the longest time I believed discipline was something that I sorely lacked. I was never a sporty person so sports practice was never a part of my schedule. I didn’t play an instrument, so I missed out on scales and drills. I was a singer (once upon a time) but I never considered my rehearsals a discipline because I loved to sing. I was a study geek in high school, I was genuinely disappointed if I didn’t get an A. But I felt compelled (for the most part) to study, because giving less than 100% felt like letting everybody down.
I was a strict vegetarian for many years and I avoided all caffeine, alcohol and drugs (prescription and elicit) for 3 years. This was what I considered my only discipline. I felt that my moods and fluxes made me flighty and inconsistent and that I was too rebellious to toe the line. I believed that military discipline in all its unyielding precision was the only real discipline and hoped against hope that by hanging out with military men (3 of my best friends at this stage were serving in the army) I would learn to respect discipline though osmosis.
As wonderful as military men are (and they are, I married one of them, though he is no longer in the Army) they did teach me one thing; military discipline is something that cannot be sustained constantly. The stricter the discipline in their day the harder they ‘let loose’ in their down time. I am still in awe of the air of discipline and order that permeates their world, but I now know that discipline need not be nailed down and policed. Discipline is essentially commitment in action.
My mentor, a wonderfully wise woman who has been a yoga teacher (amongst other things) for more years than I have lived, described discipline to me as ‘returning to the [yoga] mat’. Her definition of discipline (which I have happily appropriated) is continuing to return to your practice, whatever that may be, time and time again. Endlessly and reliably returning to the mat rain, hail or shine, with your exhaustion, grief or joy. It doesn’t matter how you show up, so long as you do.
My practice is varied. My commitment is to my highest self. I return daily to compassion, to honouring my desires and giving of myself in loving service [Bakti] every single day without fail. Sometimes I show up whining, others joyfully, sometimes I show up in pain. Every day without fail I say ‘yes’ to my son when I want to say ‘no’, every day without fail I honour my desires with a relaxed cup of tea, chocolate or a candle-lit shower. Every day without fail I seek to learn more of who I am and to show love to the world. It took me more than a decade of practice to realise that this, this is my discipline and it requires I toe no line but that of my own heart.
I would love to hear about your discipline.
