Taking stock
9 days into marriage and I feel, well….. nothing. Nothing different, anyway.
All my married friends have told me that marriage changes everything and nothing all at once. This is true for my husband (it still feels weird using that title), but I seem to have only got the ‘nothing’ part. Well, other than my immune system completely crashing, that is. But still, it is early days yet.
A dear friend (a very wise one at that) reminded me at various stages throughout the reception that a marriage, like any other ritual, is symbolic. That it is powerful and will take time to integrate. Truer words have never been spoken, but I do wonder if you must endorse the ritual or simply participate to truly be changed by it.
I have been thinking a lot since the wedding. About love and marriage, not to mention the events of the weekend itself. So much took place. So many virtually all those we care about were in the one place at the one time. That alone is a mother-load of quality time to process. Add to that potent mix the vows, speeches, drunken deep and meaningful conversations, poignant one liners, interesting situations (often interesting drunken situations) and you have too many memories to process, to many moments to take into my heart, in 9 short days.
My response so far has been to write – a hell of a lot. I have listened to my old favourite music. I have rearranged the kitchen and my bedroom. Lost my appetite. Done a truckload of laundry and spoken to my girlfriends heaps. There is nothing out of the ordinary in the list other than the laundry. Damn I hate laundry! Oh and the appetite.
As for married life? Is it safe to assume married me will be a thinner washer-woman? I hope not. The jury’s still out on married life. When I see it I’ll let you know.
2 comments
I felt the same way after I was married. Still do sort of…and I have been married for 8 months. I love my husband and I love being married, but your life does not drastically change, your happiness does not become solidified. We have already had our share of big fights. I think more than anything I am learning it’s about cultivating something deeper than romantic love; committment, and respect, and trying to put the other’s needs above your own, no matter how “blah” you are feeling about them in the moment.
Eva, It is nice to know I am not alone in this feeling. It also gives me great comfort to know that other women are reviewing their marriages and rewriting the story of the feminine experience of partnership. I just subscribed to your blog as well – I loved Eat, Pray, Love and on your recommendation will be getting ‘Committed’ next.