7 reasons why gentler isn’t always easier

I like to do things the gentle way. I try diplomacy first. I move to reasoning second. I attempt healthy debate next. I am honest and upfront, slow to anger and always give the other the benefit of the doubt. By no means am I afraid of confrontation, standing up for myself or making a point (or making a scene) but only if it is absolutely necessary.

I haven’t always been this way. I used to yell first, insult second and always make a scene. I was clearly understood always, everybody knew where they stood with me and how I was feeling.

Having lived both sides of the coin I have arrived at a lesser known truth: Abrupt and abrasive is easier.

It is much easier to be closed minded. It is effortless to say what you think, when you think it. It is simple to assume your opinion is the only one that matters. It is easy to manage your relationships when you are looking out for number one; You are either hated for your rudeness or loved for your refreshing honesty. And for the most part you are respected for being frank and making your needs known.

Maintaining the same sense of honesty whilst being respectful, compassionate and gentle is much MUCH harder. Let me show you why:

1. To live the gentle way requires more strength of conviction, because you are aren’t yelling.
2. Managing your relationships with compassion is harder because you consider everybody’s needs.
3. Getting respect in a world that respects flashy and noisy is a longer road when you are humble and tread softly.
4. You require a bigger heart to live this way to extend the benefit of the doubt, time and time again without becoming jaded.
5. The balance between compassionate and doormat is an easy line to cross, so the gentle way needs much more self awareness.
6. To tread softly you must be willing to let go of others opinions, because you will inevitably be misunderstood by the abrupt and abrasive.
7. The gentle way teaches a profound sense of perspective; your immediate needs may not be as important as you had thought.

Which way to you live, rough and ready or compassionate and gentle? Have you found a balance between the two?

2 comments

1. 

   Belinda Lindhardt

   Posted on December 7, 2009

   Great post, i just realized i do much of what you have highlighted here there is definitely a fine line its hard to find that balance, but i think as i get older i am definitely finding it …. thanks for posting

   
2. 

   Rae

   Posted on December 8, 2009

   Belinda, I agree that it is getting easier to find the graceful way as I get older. Thanks for your comment.