5 reasons why the loving answer isn’t always yes.
Are you a ‘yes person’? Do you find it difficult to say ‘no’, to assert your needs, to negotiate for what you want or to stand up for yourself? Are your boundaries all wrong, so they allow other peoples needs to be prioritised over your own?
If you are saying yes to all of these, or even some of these, my guess is that you are also very compassionate, nurturing and have a high emotional IQ. You are so focused on doing what is best for everybody and supporting those you love that you have forgotten single most important rule in giving of yourself; The loving answer isn’t always yes.
Sometimes the loving answer is:
- No.
- Do you think it could wait a while?
- Could you do it yourself?
- What support do you need to enable you to do that?
- I’m sorry, but I can’t.
- No thank you.
- Are you kidding?
- I know someone who could help you with that, their name is …
- That won’t work for me could we do this instead?
- I’m sorry but I have changed my mind/circumstances have changed.
The above alternatives to ‘Yes’ can sound like cop-outs or overly polite responses, but they aren’t. It actually takes far more courage to say ‘No’ sometimes than it does to say ‘Yes’.
Here are 5 reasons why yes isn’t always the loving answer:
- You disempower the other by doing something for them when they could do it themselves.
- You disrespect yourself when you don’t enforce healthy boundaries.
- If you always say ‘Yes’, you will eventually run out of the energy to say yes when you are really needed.
- It is far better to teach another a new skill or support them in a transition than to encourage co-dependency.
- If you are saying ‘Yes’ out of habit and not genuine compassion, it undermines the act of giving itself.
Next time you are asked for help, carefully consider the question before you routinely respond with your usual ‘of course I can’. Remember the loving answer isn’t always yes. And sometimes the odd expletive is more than acceptable 
