When no labels fit…
It is at once liberating and disconcerting to realise that I don’t have to work. Mind you, I am a full time carer to my son and run the household in much the same way as an office manager runs a business, but I don’t need to go back to work outside the home for around another 5 years or so.
I can be pretty slow on the up-take and despite this being the state of affairs since my maternity leave began 15 months ago, the realisation only hit me this week. Until now I have been busying myself with finding roles and labels for myself and what I do. You see I know I have value, but I have always known it through the filter of external labels. It was what I did and what the world saw me as that was valuable. Now the world sees me as a ‘Stay at home mother’ and while it is a role I relish it is (I’m being honest here) such a reductive label.
Before I go offending other mothers, let me explain. If you meet someone new and reply to ‘what do you do?’ that you are a mother people don’t ask what else you do, your opinion on current events, about your hobbies or after your current goals. Instead the assumption is made that all you are capable of discussing is your children and that the most interesting thing you do is make sandwiches and wrestle a toddler. This is NOT a whine about motherhood, but to simply point out the elephant in the room.
I love being a mum and I don’t take for granted the luxury I enjoy of staying at home with my young son. But by the same token I was a well rounded individual before I took time off to have children and that part of me still exists. I am driven and passionate, capable and adaptable and for the first time I have realised that areas of my life other than my career can benefit from these parts of me. My dreams can be the focus of my ambition.
I have a chance to live my passions -just because.
Goodbye feelings of inadequacy at not having an active career. Hello excitement at the reality of chasing the fun side of my life – now – while I am still young.
So without further ado the following is a list of goals that I will work on over the next 5 years with the same zeal that I used to apply to achieving promotions at work:
- Become fluent in Portuguese & Spanish
- Take up Trekking (New Zealand and Nepal first and Peru when my youngest is over 8 years old)
- Have a second baby
- Get married
- Learn to use food as medicine
- Live overseas
- Learn web design
My hope, and the true goal of this exercise, is that along the journey to achieving each of these goals I will have mastered the skill of deriving my worth from internal means only. How I feel, how I react, what I love, what I accept, the personal challenges I overcome and how much passion I can pour into each and every day.
4 comments
Your post today is so courageous – good on you for having the guts to tell everyone what your goals are and disposing of the label. We will all help to keep you accountable now. There’s no backing down. What an exciting 5 years ahead!! Look forward to watching you reach for the stars.
Courageous and stupidity often look very alike LOL. Thanks Elle for being excited for me, now all I have to do is keep up the optimism and momentum. Obrigada!
Go Rachel Go! I found myself having similar wrestling matches and I round my 4th year being home, I realize I was anxious for these very reasons you mention for 3 of them – NO MORE!
Robin, I feel so much better knowing other women have similar struggles – it’s a big part of the reason I started the blog in the beginning. Thanks for sharing.