Meaning

Objects are really just that – an object. In themselves they hold no meaning, other than the ones we give them that is. Any meaning an object holds for you was created by you, for you.

An engagement ring doesn’t encapsulate your partners love for you. It is metal and stone. A luxury car does not mean you are successful. Trophies don’t mean you are talented. Keeping a gift from an ex is not a betrayal of your partner (unless it feels that way to you). Owning the ‘it’ bag of the season doesn’t mean your stylish. Massive numbers of Twitter and Facebook ‘friends’ doesn’t mean you’re popular.

The same way that owning books doesn’t mean you can read. Owning Skis doesn’t mean you can ski. Having a marriage certificate doesn’t mean you’re loved. Owning a home doesn’t mean you’re settled. Having lots of stamps in your passport doesn’t mean you’re cultured.

Next time you’re at the check out and about to purchase your newest object, have a think: What does this mean to me? Will it help me achieve my goals? Am I buying it for pleasure? Do I really want this object or am I buying it for the meaning I believe it holds?

The fact that we give meaning to inanimate objects isn’t an issue. I too have my own collection for sentimental reasons. The key is to not be controlled by your objects and obsessed with the meaning they hold for you. The happiest and freest people I know could easily walk away for everything they own. Could you?

Small Things

We are taught not to sweat the small stuff; to let go of minor irritations, not to concern ourselves with petty things. While I agree that it isn’t worthwhile panicking that the kitchen isn’t spotless or that some one else is wearing the same outfit as you, I think the small things speak volumes about us.

We come prepared for the big things, both good and bad. We expect elation and anguish. We know roughly how to deal with the big things and if we don’t, we know where to go to for help. It’s ok to talk about the big things; positive or negative they become a badge of honour.

How we deal with the big things says a lot about us. Are you the kind of person why holds their head high in the face of adversity? Do you fold under pressure? Do you bravely face the ups and down of your life or do you search for scapegoats?

But for me we embody our grace, or not, in the small things; how we handle minor irritations, poor service, gossip, rudeness, rain and everyday stresses.

Funk

Meh. Blah. In a lull. Taking a spell. Uninspired. In a trough. In ‘The Dip’. In a funk. Lost your mojo. Lost your groove. Out of the swing of things. In a rutt. Feeling lost. Fizzled out. Unplugged. Disconnected. Drifting aimlessly. Lost your lust for life. Directionless. Stuck. Stagnant. Hit a wall. Feeling average. Underwhelmed. Sluggish.

Call it what you want. It’s uncomfortable. Like punching under water our effort does not yield results. The funk swallows up all your best intentions and renders your ‘Operation: cheer up’ ineffective.

It’s frustrating, unpleasant, depressing, confusing, draining and necessary. Yes, that’s right; necessary. I have spoken about cycles before, and this is a natural part of the cycle.

When you are in a funk stop fighting it! It’s like quicksand and the tighter you cling to denial the deeper you will get. Instead honour this place you are in, focus on how you are feeling and actively search out the doubts and unanswered questions that are flirting with you from the darkest corners of your psyche. The more of these loose ends you have been brushing aside, with good reason, in order to pursue your latest project be that a job, relationship, building a house, focusing on a child the longer the funk will take to work through.

The faster you invite these questions into the light and the more thoroughly you investigate and integrate them the quicker you can leave the funk behind. Try these techniques next time your feeling ‘stuck’:

1.      Meditation: If you are a seasoned meditator then focusing on your practice in a funk will often hasten the clarity you are seeking. But you don’t need any previous experience in meditation to utilise it as a technique. You can simply clear you mind and ask your mind what area of life or loose end to focus on and allow an answer to arise (see here for instructions) or you can utilize a lead visualization to help you uncover your doubts.

2.      Solitude: Spend time alone. You would be surprised how much easier it is to hear your thoughts when you are alone. Alone is hard to achieve these days we are often connected to others via our treasured communication devices. You want to take the home phone off the hook (if you have one), turn off the computer, turn the mobile, iphone or blackberry to silent and go where you wont be disturbed. Hint: your living room or bedroom are usually not great options. Go for a walk. Go to a market or a park alone. Take a journal or a notepad and a pen.

3.      Writing: Journal. Journal a lot. Use a pen and paper. Yes old school is best, for a few reasons. First, you can’t search the web or get email in a journal. Secondly, its too easy to delete words or whole pages that make you uncomfortable on a computer. Lastly, the most valuable thoughts are the ones that come when you have been writing about benign things for a few pages and out onto the page pops a thought that makes you double take. This is best done alone where no one will read your thought or interrupt you. You could do this every day or once a week – whichever suits you.

4.      Quiet places: Go to the library, the art gallery, a church, a temple, for a walk in nature. These are places we don’t go often, they get us thinking about things other than the usual work – friends – family  – food – money – and begin us thinking about the abstract, our place in things and what we want.

5.      Go away: Take a weekend off and go somewhere. Low key is a good option. Like a few nights in a little getaway just a few hours from home.

Mother crafting

Motherhood is an interesting word for an indescribable experience. I prefer the term mother crafting for its accuracy. Mother crafting suggests that it is a skill to be developed and not simply a gift bestowed when a child is born. Mother crafting suggests a uniqueness; that each relationship is one off and hand made with love. Mother crafting suggests a beauty in the imperfection.

Mother crafting to me is about a swelling of the heart, the heart opens and swells and encompasses so much more. The pain and tears of your child become excruciating, to witness their smile becomes euphoric, to watch them contentedly sleeping or reaching for rattles becomes a deep meditation. The emotions are so strong that they bring with them tears; tears of joy, sorrow, pain, helplessness, bliss, love, laughter.

Mother crafting is not a skill belonging only to a child’s birth mother. I have known adopted mothers and childless women perfect this skill so beautifully that they elevate it to the level of art. I know young women who have birthed their lives and tended to their dreams the same way I tend to my son. This perhaps is a no less beautiful but more difficult calling, because realised dreams can’t say ‘Thanks mum I love you’.