True Family
My family is the centre of my life, but I don’t consider a’ nuclear family’ as my family. Don’t get me wrong – its a great starting point – it’s just not my definition of family. Family to me is far more fluid and subjective than DNA or marital status.
As I blogged recently is was my son’s first birthday at the end of June. In the end the day was a roaring success, mostly despite my planning. It was the people and the love that made the day so special.
On the day I found myself sitting alone in the beautifully decorated living room (while the guests peopled the kitchen and yard – neither of which were decorated) meditating on my son’s experience. To him everybody there was ‘family’. He doesn’t discern between ‘blood’ aunts & uncles and my closest friends. To him every baby-boomer in the room was his grandparent. He doesn’t rank his affections based on whether the person is a member of his immediate or extended family and he doesn’t discriminate against friends.
Family are simply the people who love him. He favours those who support and serve him most. Those who wipe away his tears, change his nappy and provide lunch get the most cuddles.
Family is not a birth right nor should it be an obligation. Family is not just genes ans has nothing to do with geography. Family is a term used to describe a connection. A connection that compels us to consider the other’s needs, to support them in their joy and pain and to want to bear witness to their journey.
The litmus test: if someones presence in your home feels relaxed, effortless, comfortable then they are, by my definition, family.
My Birthday Lesson: The fancier you make the cake and decorations the higher the bar you have set to surpass next year =)
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My closest “cousins” are not related to me by blood. I was in both their weddings and I spend more time with one couple than I do my own cousins. Our mothers were BFF’s in college, and we grew up playing at each others houses and going thru major life events together. They are the best kind of family, the ones you CHOOSE to surround yourself with!