No answer

There is no ‘Holy Grail’. No teacher, no technique, no exercise will make all your problems disappear. Yet we go looking for coaches, friends, relationships, jobs, philosophies & books to make things all better. Distrust anybody who tells you there is a quick fix to inner peace or fulfillment.

The good news (no I am not all doom and gloom) is that you don’t need a magic wand. It would only be selling yourself short. Happiness is definitely a way of being; it is a decision we make every moment of every day.

Think back to a problem you thought you would never overcome. Is it over? Has it morphed into something completely different? Was the process as difficult as you imagined it would be? Did it simply vanish and you can’t quite remember why? What invaluable lesson did you learn from the experience?

The reality is that, like it or lump it, more often than not we create our own issues (or at least contribute to them). Which means that more often than not we are also the solution to our own issues. Sure you may need a different perspective, more resources, some help, some time out, courage (perhaps even dutch courage) or some space. But you will get there and the lessons you learn will be more valuable than the situation was painful.

The last thing you need is a saviour. You would just be selling yourself short.

Perfectionist

I once was a perfectionist. I was raised to believe that I could achieve anything and to never accept ‘good enough’ as good enough. This foundation stood me in great stead at school and later on in my career (until I became a work-a-holic that is). As I recovered from my workaholism I chose to abandon perfectionism in favour of excellence. I maintained the deep seated belief that I can achieve anything and let go of the need to measure myself by the flawlessness of my output.

Or so I had thought.

You see I Know that I have control over very few things; my thoughts, my feelings and my actions. I understand that people are going to think what they are going to think and that what they think about me is none of my business. I have chosen to measure myself by the purity of my intentions, how effortlessly I respond to my world, regardless of how it looks, and how well I grow to know myself.

Yes, I know better. But it didn’t stop me sweating bullets when my website went live last night. My inner critic ran rife.

I am not perfect. I am not yet complete. I am a work in progress. I make mistakes. I have just put myself out there to be seen, judged, critiqued. For some I will come up wanting. My hope is that I might have the opportunity to serve some too.

Lessons: The gap between not knowing and knowing is far smaller than the gap between knowing and doing.  Don’t wait for perfection because perfection will never come.

Not just soft

The feminine is not just soft. She is graceful and open, receptive and welcoming, nurturing and loving. But she is also cyclic.

Cyclic nature is a graceful dance of balance and change. The simplest principles are often the hardest to understand. Such is the case here; cycles are grossly misunderstood.

The element of change is easy to see in a cycle; Autumn turns to Winter. Day turns to night. This type of change is so evident that the way the change occurs is overlooked. Cyclic change is predictable, measured & balanced in the truest sense of the word.

Cyclic nature by definition must have opposite extremes and move through these extremes on a regular basis. Like the waves of the ocean; the peak of the wave is only as high as the troughs are deep.

So how does this cyclic force manifest in the feminine nature? Diversely. Yes the feminine is graceful, open, receptive, welcoming, nurturing, and loving. The feminine is also awkward, unavailable, unfriendly, inhospitable, destructive and harsh.

I know many women but I don’t know any who would be happy to be called awkward or harsh. We aspire to the ‘softer’ side of our femininity and spurn the counterbalance. We disown half of our nature and thus forfeit half of our power.

We are led to believe that only the gentler side of our femininity is acceptable and apologise for our moods, our sarcasm, our withdrawal, our scorn and our wildness. We overuse our whisper and gag our screams. If we only use the softer half of our repertoire we belie our depth.

When you next need to scream, don’t bite your tongue. When you want to cry, don’t hide your tears. When you know you have to leave, go. When you need to crash, create for yourself a soft place to fall.

A woman’s strengths is derived from her cycles. All of her cycles. The feminine is not just soft.